I had a moment of weakness last night. As we both sat, side by side, under the moon my first reaction when he kissed me was shock. I didn't know what to think or even if I should be thinking actually because it felt and tasted so good! The sensation was so magical, so envigorating that I think I forgot how to think at all. And even though I probably sat there like a damn fool with my mouth just slightly open, hardly breathing at all at first, I finally came to my senses and something made me kiss him back.
It's never been easy for me to resist him. His scent, his hair the way it glistens like gold under the moon, even his eyes as ice blue as they are seem warm and inviting to me.
"I'm weak." I said. He answered, "Me too." And then we kissed some more. It was the sweetest most electrying kiss that brought me back to the days when I had first met him. The days when every kiss gave me chills and left me breathless.
He told me he didn't want me to stop living my life waiting for him. That he was going to get his life together with hopes of correcting our circumstances but I'm not sure that after that kiss I'm going to be able to look another man in the face and not compare him to Daniel. Not pick apart his faults in order to reduce him to someone not "worth my time". I've never felt love like this before. It's horrible though that often times with love, a great deal of pain has to accompany it.
I had been living like a ghost all the time he was gone. I had blocked him out of my mind for so long because I don't think I was ready to accept the fact that we had actually broken up. But now that we have seen each other, I have seen into his eyes, his aching soul I lie weak in his presence. All these emotions are coming to the surface and I can't stop them. I cannot be strong and say "Well we shouldn't be together" because it just feels wrong to lie like that. So wrong to lie to myself.
I'm not sure what's going to happen to us, for right now, I'm happy with just being in limbo.